 Dump the rocks, get the skills La Crosse Tribune, La Cross, Wisconsin Matt James Adult Published Read an Excerpt Crutcher's latest book is really for adults, too. It's called "King of the Mild Frontier." It's about his early years, fighting through the frustration of being a teenager, or in his words, "...a dateless, broken toothed, scabbed over, God-fearing dweeb." If you appreciate self-deprecating humor, Chris Crutcher is your man. What Crutcher will talk about is anyone's guess. "I'm not even sure," he said this week while changing planes in Cleveland. Excerpt DUMP THE ROCKS, GET THE SKILLS by Matt James/Tribune Columnist Reading used to be the grocery cart to the back of my heels. Painful. Just hated it. Had to do this book report about "The African Queen" for an English teacher, Mrs. Seaman. Then had to rewrite half of it because, as it turns out, Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn weren't all that crucial to the book. Mrs. Seaman drove me nuts. I drove her to drink, probably. She seemed to think English was important, that I had potential, that reading and writing were useful, that some of us would actually use words to pay the rent someday. Ha! What did she know? Apparently more than a stone-headed student. It's the video games you scram. Kids would be reading if it weren't for those darned video games. Wrong. There were no video games in our house. It wouldn't have mattered. Knitting socks would have been more appealing than a book. Maybe eating socks. Tonight, Chris Crutcher will speak at the Viterbo University Fine Arts Center Recital Hall. Crutcher lives in Spokane, Wash., and has written seven novels for teenagers, the audience that doesn't read. He will be 57 in July. Crutcher's latest book is really for adults, too. It's called "King of the Mild Frontier." It's about his early years, fighting through the frustration of being a teenager, or in his words, "...a dateless, broken toothed, scabbed over, God-fearing dweeb." If you appreciate self-deprecating humor, Chris Crutcher is your man. What Crutcher will talk about is anyone's guess. "I'm not even sure," he said this week while changing planes in Cleveland. Many who come to hear Crutcher speak want him to talk about sports. His books often relate coming-of-age to athletics. Some want him to talk about his work with troubled youth. In his spare time, he's a child abuse and neglect therapist who took his first job at an alternative school in a rough part of Oakland. If you ever start feeling like you have a tough job, take a time machine back to the '70's and teach at an alternative school in a rough part of Oakland. Then come to work every day and -- because no other school can handle him -- try to keep a 6'3," 230-pound sixth grader with some serious anger issues from hurting anyone. And while you're at it, keep pretty much everything you own in a Volkswagen Bug, which will get broken into, but nothing will be taken because, well, you don't have anything worth stealing. Do that for 10 years. "That's about as interesting as it gets," Crutcher says. Are you starting to see why people ask him so many questions? They may not be as dramatic, but there are so many Chris Crutchers right here in the Coulee Region. There are so many Mrs. Seamans. Every day in Black River Falls and Viroqua and Homen and La Crosse and every town in between, teachers beg and guilt-trip and scold and whatever else it takes to get kids reading. It's not just teachers. Walmart just had a national "Words Are Your Wheels," day. In 18 months, the company helped 11,000 people find tutors. A while back, the la Crosse public libraries hired Kelly Krieg-Sigman as its new director, at least partly because she doesn't have the standard musty librarian smell. They want the library to be cool or groovy or money or hip or dope or tight or sweet or whatever the kids are saying these days. Ooops, you're right, no one says groovy. Still stuck in the '70's time machine. Right here at the Tribune people sit around conference tables and talk about how to get young people reading. They even hire a punk columnist to woo younger readers. (But then he uses the word groovy and scares them al away.) We're just trying to make more money, though, so that really doesn't count. Never mind. What was my point again? Oh yeah, Chris Crutcher. He's a great writer. Funny guy. Go buy his book and have him sign it and ask him about his old VW Bug. It starts at 7 PM tonight. You'll thank me later. Young people, start reading. You don't want rocks in the head forever. And all of you parents and teachers out there who are just too darn stubborn to stop trying ... keep it up. You might just give someone -- as the young people say -- the skills that pay the bills. April 22, 2003 La Crosse Tribune: Chris Crutcher, the young-adult author with so many fantastic stories, will speak at 7 p.m. THIS Friday at Viterbo University. Not last Friday. If you're still standing outside the Fine Arts Center Recital Hall wondering why Chris hasn't showed up, go home, grab a shower, take a nap and please find it in your hearts to forgive me. Email Matt James at This email address is being protected from spam bots, you need Javascript enabled to view it Check out the Tribune website at www.lacrossetribune.com. |
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